Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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