i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
