even my farts smell like vagina
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
