So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
