White coat. Heels.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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