Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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