im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
