I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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