What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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