Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
