You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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