My hand turned me down
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
