Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
