She is in my trunk
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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