Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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