There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
