I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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