You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
