I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
