No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
