He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
time to smoke my breakfast
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
