I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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