My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
