She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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