You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
