This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
