then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
