You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
