Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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