Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
