we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
