some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
