While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
