Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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