dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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