Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
