cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
