oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
