I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
