Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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