Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just tell him i said nine months
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
