u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Randomize
