I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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