Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
