we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
