I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
