i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I smell stomach acid.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
