I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
