I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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