no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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