I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A+ Viking dick
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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